How do you memorialize someone you love? What do you do to remember them?
It is nice to have a physical reminder of the one you love who is now gone.
Zach and I discussed how we would spend Peter's life insurance money. We paid the medical bills, donated 10% of the money to our church for tithing, 10% to the Temple Fund, and saved the rest to use later on a family outing.
I knew I wanted to use part of it for the Temple Fund because that is something that means something. It matters. It's the main reason we've been able to make it through this painful experience. The ordinances and covenants Zach and I made in the temple when we were married, make it possible for us to be a family forever, and to have Peter sealed to us for eternity.
We believe that marriages don't have to be "until death do us part". If a couple is sealed by the Priesthood power by someone who has authority, that marriage can last beyond the grave, and children born to a couple who was sealed in the Temple, are likewise sealed to their parents forever. (Matthew 16:19) This blessing and promise is also conditional on our obedience, and keeping the promises we make in the temple to our Father in Heaven.
We also received some money from our family friends along with this touching letter.
Today was Peter's four month birthday and we went to the cemetery to say a few words and release our first orange balloon. It is nice to have a reason to go visit his little grave site and think about him.
The tears still flow when I think about his little body below the ground. It's easy to not think about it, but when you are right there, where his body is buried, it gives you a moment to stop and remember- and that's when the grief reminds you that it's still there. You have a little moment to grieve. Shed some tears and be sad. And miss him. So much.
It's the respite from life, where you can stop for a moment and just cry, and allow yourself a minute to yourself and your feelings. Then the moment passes (because it has to) and you dry your eyes and get back in the car and move on with life.
For a long time it was so hard for me to think about his body in the ground as nature took its course. It took me awhile to come to terms with the thought and not have it really upset me.
It helped when I thought about the many pioneer mothers who had to bury their precious children in shallow graves all along the Mormon trail. It put things in perspective, and gave me comfort . Their tiny bones will come together in the Resurrection and they will be made whole, and so will Peter. Death and decay are a natural thing.
For some reason it gave me strength and comfort.
|XOXO infinity - Lucy|
|A sweet memory of Peter.|
|A windy Texan sunset.|
|Smoochin' up her dad.|
|Getting ready to release the balloon.|
|Watching the balloon fly away with our memories of Peter, as I shed a few tears.|